Internal

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How adventurous would life be, Shuveny, if you were “challenge free”? If you had the perfect body, perfect self-esteem, everyone adored you, and you won the lottery every Sunday?

Not.

Now what if, painful as they may temporarily be, you could choose a life during which challenges might arise whenever your thinking needed expansion, on the sole condition that every one of them could be overcome no matter how daunting they may at first seem?

Everything makes you more,

The Universe

And Greetings Everyone,

I am very sure that many of you receive these messages, however, this one had an ah-ha, let me think moment attached to it.

Where to start right? If I stand back today as a semi grown up individual, I can say that I am thankful for my life. How, Shuveny, how indeed?

Many “know” me personally, I don’t hold back when asked a question – I answer as honestly, I say this because, one cannot always remember the exact situation… So, taking my self back to conditions that are difficult to remember, and painful to relive, I am just like you… there is a huge level of resistance within me.

How can I say that being exposed to abuse, in all its glorious forms handed me a positive lesson? How can I say that neglect in any form has had a positive outcome?

I can. Rape, sexual molestation, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, name it – it was there. Living with a narcissistic parent, another beaten into submission… I have had it all. And guess what, I am thankful. I am thankful that I had to learn very early, and had to over-use my survival skill, to an almost depleted state. You may thing that I have completely loft the plot, as an FYI, I have been told that so many times over.

But here is my thing. I was not ready to deal with many aspects of my life, I shut out some serious painful experiences. I was not ready to deal with anyone or anything that reminded me of a life I tried so hard to run away from. Even that, is okay. I do not see myself as weak, nor do I crucify my being for not being able to deal with all the factors of the outside world that made me a “product” of the influence.   You did read that correctly. I WAS a product of the outside world.

The day I stood still and allowed everything to wash over me, I became whom I am meant to be. People tend to think that life should be all flowers and rainbows when you journey into yourself, but it is the opposite. It is not true, as with each day that passes, you become more authentic, you become more aware of YOU. The external world was only a conduit for the lessons you needed to learn. You may wonder about that thing called forgiveness – and I have my own view on it, I forgave myself, and I forgive myself daily for things that pop up, things that are painful, and things that I react towards that does not serve my higher being. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

People deem me as cruel when I say, “You are not special in your struggle”. Not to state or make their experience feel lesser than others, but to have them think about their reactions to what life is handing them. You and only you can direct your life to where you want it to go.

Feeling down in the dumps, feeling as if the walls are closing in… feeling that there is no hope…

I stand before you all once again as a reminder – sexually abused from age four by boys and men, I don’t even have enough fingers to count them on, raped twice, an abusive mother – in all ways, survived cancer 3 times, at yet… here I am. I am no different than you, I simply chose to use what life handed and make the best of it.

May your journey be internal, may you find solutions to subconscious drama factors… and most of all, may you find peace.

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