Knowing when to be silent and knowing when to speak up. That is the trick, right?
When does speaking up become a blame game, or a finger pointing, or a moaning, or a nasty knee-jerk reaction…? As an observation, and from experience, the above comes from the responses of the individual you are speaking to.
Let us use a simple yet, very effective example. And it could be based on any person:
“I did not appreciate the way you spoke to me yesterday/last night/just now.”
“Well, I don’t feel like I am the one in the wrong, and you should think about what you are saying, as it is hurtful.”
“My intent was not to hurt you, but to make you aware that I did not like the WAY you spoke to me, not the words, but the way you poke.”
“I can’t do anything right, best I don’t talk at all.”
And what do we do? We stop voicing that certain things are not acceptable to our souls. I am not talking about the external conditioning, I am talking about a tone of voice, method of interaction, body language (yes, not a firm believer in all that, but at times a dead give-away).
In the process above, it is made very clear that the voice that spoke up about the healthy boundaries placed for their internal balance and peace, is not important. How could this be? How can only ONE side be acknowledged, only one side have an impact, and only one side be important.
It is not possible. With technology, we have become “lazy” in human interaction, no longer in touch with our inner selves, and have or are fast approaching incapacity to communicate effectively.
We do not listen, we cannot wait our turn to respond – why? Because say you are having a “fight” on messages, you can “see” the person typing, however, you continue to voice yourself.
Oh, or better yet, sit in the same house and send messages… what the heck is that.
I love to talk, (and Donkey from Shrek comes to mind) – I love to voice, or better, speak WITH you, where you can see my face, see my energy, relate to what I am saying. And I do explain over and over should I find myself NOT being clear, or with the possibility of assumptions. When I walk away, I am sure that the person on the other side of the table, has a clear understanding of what I am saying.
Do not stop voicing your boundaries, do not stop educating the populace of what is acceptable to you. And never own their emotion. Just because you did not speak or communicate in a manner they find acceptable, does not mean that you are not important… And darlings, they can ask for clarity too….