I asked a good friend of mine to “borrow” the words below, as this for me hit home so heavily, and so intensely.
From my own emotions I would like to elaborate on my personal journey on the below, commentary in (….) I hope you enjoy!
Spiritual inner death:
There comes a moment when the old you leaves and there is an empty space waiting to be filled by the new you.
This can be a very difficult time for the mind and the personality.
It feels there is nothing to hold onto anymore.
(I am NOT suicidal, but physical death has been on the mind of late. For the last two and a half weeks I have ventured into parts of myself that I thought was all healed up and I could just move on from the journey… guess what, it knocked me firmly on my behind)
This feeling gives the mind impulses to fill the space with the old, observe and resist doing this.
(Even with the logical and analytical process of a semi balanced “crazy” person, this has been the most difficult thing to do. People think, that once you immerge on the “other side”, you are all healed and cleared of negative thoughts, and the old has died a horrible death, but this is where the hard work starts, the hard work, the resistance to fall back into that beautiful thing called the comfort zone)
Be gentle with yourself and talk softly to your mind, reassure it that all is OKAY.
There might be an impulse to commit suicide, this is the mind trying to project the inner death onto the outer world.
(See, exactly what I said above, and it is not just a fleeting feeling. It is a crazy feeling, for someone that loves life, and loves what she does, and knowing where she is going – well some of the time, it is beyond scary…)
Again, be soft and gentle, seek the companionship of someone you trust. Eventually that someone is you
(Some may see this as walls going up, other seeing it as disconnection from the “real” world out there. In the end, one lives with one true being – THE SELF, and within the self, one must find comfort. Giving up, has never been an option for me, but became a brutal reality once again the last couple of days. A tiredness I cannot even explain in words, crying, questions, falling apart, standing up, becoming once again a functional human being, just to have this happen again, and again, and yes… you guessed it – again)
This process is a major initiation in unconditional love for yourself, this unconditional love then flows to others.
In the middle of the minds turmoil is a sanctuary, locate that sanctuary and rest there whilst the changes take place.
(In my personal experience, it seems that I have all these beautiful plans in place and all these wonderous things I want to do, just to get sick, or having NO energy. I talk about switching the phone off and disconnecting from the world – but not even I do this correctly. I say I am resting, but are worried that I might miss something, or let someone down, and sadly in the end, I resist, not knowingly the shift that needs to take place within myself too. Make no mistake, I do love who I am, and I love the battle scars I carry. But from the words of another – I was shocked to stand still and also take one hard look again at how little I actually do love the higher form of me.)
Hugs to you and your inner world 
