Waking Up

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Greetings Beloved of the Universe,

I hope that your weekend had loads of fun memories, shared with loved ones, and that you were reminded that you are loved.

Well, Paws from Heaven had a good donation day on Saturday at the Gaia fayre, met some beautiful people and made new friends, even got to place a “real” person to some face book friends. Always great when that happens. Fantastic laughter and just some fun, great soul conversations, beautiful sharing of energy.

But this morning, I read a “post” in one of my ADHD/ADD groups, that transported my heart a little less happy, combined with my animal friends, I shed a tear for a life lost due to cruelty – it reminded me of what someone said on Saturday, as more people are “waking” up, others are becoming more “closed” minded. Thus, conclusion – the harder the rescuers work, the more cruelty, would that be right… asks my sad heart.

“I hear my mothers voice” says the post, I hear how I was made to feel lesser of a person with the responses I received. I cry silently and sometimes behind closed doors, for I use the same words that made me feel lesser a person on my children.”

“I get angry, I get irritated, asking them if they think the papers will magically transport themselves from one point to the dustbin? I shout constantly to pay attention and mind others, I punish behaviour “not acceptable”, I listen to myself – and I know, no matter if I say sorry, the damage is done, the inner being is broken in places that I may never be able to help repair.”

“I struggled with the same things they are struggling with. The world in in overdrive, I struggled to “mind” the world, I struggled to fit in, I was so different, and now I am teaching my children the same… different is bad. That there is something wrong with them, and I cry even more…”

Wow hey, just snippets taken from what I read this morning. And it did touch me in places so deep as once again, I am reminded of the cruelty of words, spewed without regard, and the damage it can cause. I do the same… the first to admit, I do the same, I get irritated and angry, I get all worked up, not just with my 6 year old, but sometimes with people in general.

As another person said on Saturday, why do you allow “it” to control you so much. Yes, it is me – I am allowing it, in my struggle for understanding the simple concept of “letting them be”. And who am I – once again, to say they are wrong. Not my place right, no it is not. Acceptance is all about allowing another person to be what they feel they should be, do what they feel is right, as mentioned – EGO.

Had me sitting back and really think on this. Is it ego, is it my will to “control”, is it my “way, or the highway. Is it me?

Or, do I feel a desperate need to share what I know with said person, wanting to understand why they say, do or act the way they do.

Is it in my desperation of vowing never to be like my mother, that I catch glimpses of her in me. And I hate it. I don’t want to be like that, I don’t want to feel like that.

I promise myself to be better, to try harder, and life happens and I stand back after the verbal diarrhoea subsided and I wonder, how many times I can break the promise to be better, to myself – no other.

“How many times can I see little shoulders sagging under the weight of my words,” asks the person. And I wonder too, how many times we ask forgiveness form one person, but repeat the same constraint. And as I have also said, then it is a choice, no longer an excuse.

Many things to ponder on all by myself as I continue the silence in my world, and the voices in my head while unpacking more boxes.

Much love as always, may you have a beautiful day.

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