We pray that your day and night passed without too much disruption – that you stood in silence before you responded, and that you found smaller parts of yourself that you may have lost.
When we experience loss, it changes us – let’s say through death. There is a finality in death, or so we think, we never get to see, hear, touch or talk with the person that have crossed over. Many struggle to “let go” and many have questions that seems all important and with desperation – we seek answers. Oh, and that, “I should have”, “I could have”… all that “other beautiful “stuffs” that comes to the surface, get it, then we have guilt too – and by now you all know how I feel about that word – “GUILT”.
However, this morning, I do wonder how often you have realized parts of yourself going “missing”.
You know that thing of – “I use to do XYZ… yeah, I know life changes you have children, get a demanding job and lesser time to stop and smell the roses, or seek the beauty in the day, I understand these influences.
But not quite what I am referring towards. I will take myself as an example.
I used to:
Meditate daily, be by the book in ritual, paid attention to the sabbaths and celebrated those dear to me, do candle magic, or practiced my craft at least three times a week, used to run 10km a day, used to feel as if I have a very distinct purpose, a complete neat freak, OCD (still am), structured, in complete control, felt some form of belonging, happy, carefree, be alone (and very happy), have all the time in the world…
Let’s see – I feel pressurized most of the time, I forget most things, I get lost in translation in some conversations, I do not practice as I should… and the list goes on.
I can say, it must be due to the fact that I have had cancer again, and recently discovered the return after two years – suppose the little buggers were hiding… That my body endured a double hernia operation not long ago, that I suffered terribly with any form of absorption – food, minerals, you name it… I can say that oh it has been the planets, or that I am to learn something… I can say that maybe “karma” has me – yeah payback is a bitch, right?
Bottom line is – I can use every excuse in the book, for the things I used to do. And it will make complete sense to you, when I tell you, I don’t do this and that anymore because of…
But I won’t.
We change, and we change with the world around us. Somethings are no longer as important as they used to be, and other things we let slide because of – a new love, child, animal, you name it – that is called compromise.
Compromise however, has a sneaky way of stealing parts of you. Unless of course, you gain so much more than you ever lost. Once the rosy gloss wears off, once the baby is grown, once the “whatever-you-allowed” has stabilized…
Are you still you?
Though one right… don’t worry – you can walk back on the road you travelled, and you can go pick up what you have lost, placing it back within your core, using it to be better.
Asking me if you should go to the past? Yes, I am – it has shaped you to what and whom you are right now.
Blessed travels
