Good Morning Beautiful Earth walkers,
I find myself in a strange place this morning, not physically but mentally and spiritually. Many have raised eyebrows on the posts of the last couple of days, and many have judged. That is understandable, it may have seemed like I have officially gone bat sh*t crazy. I draw my inspiration from my own life, my own unique sense of reality, and the ups and downs I face every day.
So, while I am listening to Judy Boucher in the background… and Woody Nelson singing blue eyes crying in the rain, allow me to ask you one simple question this morning…
How often do you lie to yourself?
Shocked? Don’t be. It is relevant for today, and I think you must have done a double take on the beginning already, thinking, oh for gods sakes there she goes again. Before I continue with the subject of the day, I would like to remind you, that I cater for a broader spectrum at the moment, and sometimes, you may not enjoy what I have to say, but if I reach ONE person in the day, it is ONE person that needed the message and the reality of the elephant in the room.
The SHOULD statements… the hallmark of the perfectionist subpersonality. You use them whenever you tell yourself “I should”. “I must”. “I have to”. Why? It is an attempt to motivate yourself to do something. Think about that very carefully. I am not saying “should” statements do not have a place, but a should statement “should” *laugh*, be something like – I should tell him/her that I appreciated the favour…
The difficulty arises when you use “I should” or “I must” to PRESSURE yourself to meet self-imposed expectations that are actually unreasonably high.
“I should always be pleasing and cheerful towards others, despite my feelings.”
“I should not be tired and sick”
“I should pull myself together” – I have such a pet hate towards that statement… what are you curtains???
“I should not be so afraid”
“I should not have panic attacks”
“I should not be so weak – And the list goes on and on….
Do you know that statements like the above will have you in constant anxious or fear mode? It is a guarantee to lower your self-esteem. See here is what happens to you – after the perfectionist has had their say (inner) the critic comes out and reminds you so beautifully of where you fall short.
Most “should” statements are reflections of a stress-inducing bad habit.
You lie to yourself. You lie to your inner being, you allow the inner critic to bruise you, to diminish your already maybe 
broken parts… And that inner critic is ruthless.
That inner critic has picked up a measuring stick from society, because the world is in expectation mode – word from the wise – expectations SHOULD have a positive outcome, not set you up for failure. The you must have a very serious look at that stick, or even better – throw the damn thing away. Please.
Look at the should – is the standard flexible? Does it allow for exceptions or is it rigid?
Is the standard based on your OWN experiences or is it “inherited” from the world around you without ever questioning it?
Is the standard, the norm, realistic, does it take into account all the consequences its application may lead to?
Is the standard life enhancing, does it acknowledge your needs and your feelings? Or is it life-restricting ultimately ignoring your needs and feelings….
I ask you again, how often do you lie to yourself?
When you find that you are telling yourself “I should”, or “I must” you can evaluate the appropriateness of your self-talk according to these criteria. Failing even ONE of the above mentioned is enough to cast serious doubt on the reasonableness of the particular “should statement”.
You are a beautiful creation, a beautiful invention, you are unique, there is no one on this planet like you. No one that 
holds your skill, your knowledge, your light… or your pain, or your hurt or the things that keep you up at night… the time that the monsters in your head or under your bed speak so loudly…
Stop lying to yourself – you owe yourself that, take a hard look at all the “should’s” you hold yourself accountable for, you can never have authority over something inflexible, the outcome will not be the desired.
Blessed journey on the excavation of the authentic self.
